Mud Beautiful Mud

Winter on the farm is always beautiful!

Sitting by the fireplace, wrapped up in a cozy blanket with a cup of coffee as out the window I watch the fluffy white snowflakes as they peacefully float to the blanket of white that covers the ground.

That sounds great doesn’t it?

Comfort, quiet, rest and peace.

Just thinking of it brings me a feeling of comfort.

Ahhhhhh…

If only that is how it really is.

I still stand by my first sentence however;

Winter on the farm is always beautiful!

If you think mud is beautiful.

And I do.

Let me explain…

Our farm is in the Wild and Wonderful state of West Virginia. Where the weather seems to be very confused most of the time.

Yes, it does get cold and we do have snow in the winter but we also may have a few 60-70 degree days with lots of sun mixed in here and there and also quite a bit of rain. Which is the perfect recipe for……

You guessed it..

Mud.

When you hear the word mud, what does that bring to mind?

Sloppy, messy, dirty, getting stuck?

Yeah, me too.

Just yesterday I walked out of my muck boots in the barnyard because it was stuck in the mud.

Sloppy, messing, dirty and getting stuck in it.

What is beautiful about that?

Well, I’m gonna tell ya.

Nothing and everything at the same time.

I know, confusing but stay with me.

Mud makes all of the farm chores more difficult, messy and take longer. It slows me down when I have so much to do. I don’t have time for that. But, it makes me make the time to slow down and get whatever it is I’m doing right, or it will only turn into a bigger mess.

I can’t just carry the hay bales for the horses out through the muddy barnyard without watching my steps or I will walk out of my boots and end up face down in the mud.

TRUST ME

I need to slow down and pay attention to the task at hand, the world around me and watch my step.

That’s the beauty in it.

It MAKES me:

slow down

pay attention to the world around me

watch my step, so I don’t fall down.

All things that I really need to do to not only not fall in the mud,

but in my life.

To be the best wife and mom, the person I want to be sometimes I just need to stop in the (at times sloppy, dirty, messy) day to day race I run and:

slow down

pay attention to the world around me

watch my step, so I don’t fall down.

See what I mean now?

Mud – beautifully messy just like life

Perfectly Imperfect- just like me 💗

Changing Seasons

Here we are at the end of another season. Summer is giving way to fall and as I sit here I realize that changing seasons is something that I excitedly anticipate and also woefully dread.

The warm summer evenings, tending to the flowers, cookouts, road trips… Summer I will miss you

But…

I love the fall.

The crisp air, the beauty of the changing leaves, hay rides, apple picking, warm cozy sweaters and bonfires. All of it is just so comforting to me. It is really hard to put into words- it is a feeling.

It is harvest time. A time when farmers bring in the crops that they have worked so hard on all summer and finally see the rewards of their work. A time of plenty if you will. It is a sense of accomplishment and security. A pat on the back for a job well done.

The leaves are so colorful in all of their glory. Red, yellow and orange splashes of color crown the trees in majesty.

So beautiful it is hard for us to take it all in.

To soak it in, to absorb such wonderment into our memories before it is gone so quickly… and it is as if it was never there.

Fleeting beauty.

Not meant to last forever.

Just a season of time.

It brings me such joy and contentment…

but then I realize that it is passing quicker than I would like and I fear that it will soon be gone.

It is a season.

A period of time that brings change. An end and a beginning.

Summer is over and I dread the cold winds of Winter that will be here all to soon.

Change.

There is that word again. Change.

Change-that is what I am to be embracing as I go through this “season” of my life. I tell myself that I will make the best of the adventures that change will bring and look forward to what tomorrow brings… but I also fear what tomorrow will take away.

Did I soak in the beauty of this season of my life while I had the chance? The crazy chaos that fills my day? Do I appreciate all of the blessings that I have? Do I show that I am thankful for them? Tomorrow/the next season is coming and I fear that I am running out of time to do so.

Our seasons of life change and before we realize it-

they are already changing.

Our kids are growing up too fast. Did I enjoy every possible second of their childhood?

Parents and other family members are growing older. How did that happen? Was I too busy growing up that I didn’t realize that they were growing older?

Do my family and friends know how much they mean to me? Did I take the opportunity to tell them?…while I still can…

Seasons of change.

Embrace the change?

I need to embrace my “season” before the change.

And moving forward I will.

Happiness is Simple

Happiness is simple.

Maybe I should say it like this instead-Simple makes me happy.

Simplicity makes me happy.

I am not saying that happiness is easy. (But it definitely isn’t as hard as people make it)

I am saying that keeping things simple is a key to my happiness.

I can say this as a fact:

I AM TRULY HAPPY

It’s that simple! Or maybe I’m simple (okay I know, enough of the word play with the word simple)

I am happy!

Definition:Happy-characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy.

I am content, I am joyful, I love my life!

I am grateful!

Happiness is a choice, it is not a destination. I decide that I am going to be happy and it’s not some place that I am going, it is right where I am.

I FIND JOY WHERE I AM.

That is what brings me contentment.

I find real joy in the everyday. Simple things. Not in material worldly things like what the commercials on TV tell me I need to be happy, but in the amazing beauty of the gifts that my God has given me.

First and foremost, the gift of salvation. I have the gift of eternal life because my Savior died for my sins.

My husband.

My marriage.

My children.

My family.

I am surrounded by things that make me happy. That brings me joy. I take the time to appreciate them and that is another key to my happiness.

Something else that I find joy in that makes me happy is- sharing it with others.

That can be done in many ways. Some as simple as just smiling at someone while I’m out and about or telling my kids a goofy joke(I have a lot of them). But I feel that I share it the best in my photography.

No, I am not a professional photographer, I am just a simple county gal who sees beauty in the world around me and I try to capture that to share with others. Most of the pictures I share here on the blog I took on our farm. The picture below I took over looking our farm, I finally found the perfect quote to describe it and that makes me happy.

Perfect isn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong my life isn’t perfect, no one’s is, but it is perfect for me.

I choose to roll with the punches, to find blessing in everything and

I choose to be happy.

I am not perfect, I am perfectly imperfect and I am perfectly happy.

Isn’t that simple?

I’ve Been Planted

I AM BURIED. SURROUNDED BY DARKNESS.

It has been the longest winter. Cold, dreary, mundane. It is the time of year that we are stuck inside. The sun seems to be hiding and the wind chills you to the bone.

Cold, dark, depressing.

I AM COVERED IN DIRT. I FEEL IT’S WEIGHT ON EVERY SIDE.

As we are stuck inside in this cold, grey weather it is easy to contemplate all that we feel is going wrong in life. We feel the pressure of this world envelop us.Everything seems so much harder in the cold. We are dirty and exhausted from our daily struggle. It is the weight of this world.

I AM TRAPPED, STUCK IN THIS HOLE OF DIRT.

Will this winter ever end? The cold? The sicknesses? Will I see the sun soon? The winter is so long! I need to get outside! Feel the sun on my face and the warm breeze through my hair. I am restless. I am ready to burst out of this cold and darkness. I am ready to see the sun. To grow. And not just to survive but to THRIVE.

I will push through this dark season.

IT IS RAINING. I FEEL THE WARMTH OF THE SUN ON THE SOIL.

When I feel the darkness and cold of this world I know where to turn.

I turn towards the SON!

When I feel as I am stuck, weary or just had a bad day, I know where I can revive my soul.

I go to the Bible. I read and study God’s promises, linger in His presence and learn of His love for me.

It warms my heart and nourishes my soul.

I AM BREAKING THROUGH.

Instead of letting this long, cold winter bring me down, I will use my time stuck inside to study His word and reflect on all of the blessings He has provided. I will not contemplate on what is going wrong, but I will rejoice and be grateful for what is going right. I will break through.

I AM GROWING AND READY TO BLOOM.

I am me. I have had a season of struggle, but it has not defined me.

I am not one to stay in the dark, stuck inside to drown in my sorrows. I always see the bright side, I always have faith and hope. I know there will be hard times but I also know that the good times will outnumber the bad times.

I will raise my hands and give all GLORY and PRAISE to my God who is always with me and who will always rescue me from any pit that I may fall in.

No matter what.

I WILL BLOOM.

I will bloom. And when others see His beauty and love in me I hope it plants a seed in their heart that will grow into a desire for a closer relationship to Him-our Redeemer, our Savior, our God.

Grow with me!

Have you been planted? Did you think you were buried in the darkness?

Join me as I grow.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I want to use the next 40 days to grow my relationship with Jesus.

Every day until Easter I am going to spend time in His word and reflect on all He has done for me. How I can be more like Him and how I can share His message of Salvation with others.

Will you join me?

The Random Sock Drawer

Up early ✔️

Fixed your family a big nutritious Sunday breakfast ✔️

Cleaned up all the mess and have stuff prepped for dinner✔️

Got showered and ready in record time✔️

Ready to walk out the door✔️

Do you ever have that fleeting moment when you feel like you finally seem to have it altogether?

All your ducks in a row.

You have been working so hard on organizing around the house, everything is falling into place. Even your mornings seem to be going smoother.

You are feeling great!

It is gonna be a great day!

You feel a smile come across your face, you hold your head a little higher.

You are ready to take on the world.

And then…..

you try to get your family ready for church.

Now, somehow although you asked the kids to start getting ready an hour ago they are still in their pajamas, eating their second breakfast.

When you give them “the look” they can’t understand what they did wrong and after a calm but to the point motivational speech they begrudgingly….. head….. upstairs…… as…. slow…… as……. humanly…… possible.

Now that they have hiked up Mt. Everest (or at least that is how they make it sound by all the complaining), no one can find anything they need to get ready.

You (thought) you were pretty much caught up on laundry. And by caught up I mean washed, dried and actually put away. But somehow no one can seem to find that one thing that they wanted to wear today.

You now feel like YOUR HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE.

It is 10 minutes until you have to leave to make it to church and now there is no way that you are going to make it on time.

You start to raise your voice.

Why can we never be on time for anything?– you yell.

Your mind is racing about all they things that you could have done to ensure that you left on time but you didn’t.

I think, I mean you think-

Why can’t I be like those perfect moms who really do have it altogether?

You run back downstairs to find your purse and your keys while they are finishing getting ready.

Then one of them yells down- “I can’t find any socks.”.

That is it.

It is time to throw in the towel.

Why? Why? Why?

You feel defeated.

I will NEVER be that perfect mom– you mumble to yourself as you stomp back up the stairs.

And then you remember,

How could you forget?

THE RANDOM SOCK DRAWER

Socks had been the enemy for way too long. They never seemed to match up, they would disappear and reappear without a match. So much time was spent trying to perfectly match every pair. Just like your mom did. Just like those “perfect moms” probably do.

Until last week.

You changed the game.

Ok, enough of this “you”. By now you all know that it is me.

I changed the game.

If I can’t find a matching pair of socks right away they go in the random sock drawer.

Yep, not matched and not folded.

Not perfect.

The random sock drawer.

And that random sock drawer just (figuratively) hit me in the face.

As I got to the top of the stairs I asked “If you can’t find a matching pair, did you look in the random sock drawer?”.

“Just did. Found some. Thanks mom. I’m ready.” I heard.

Well, I guess that is one thing that I did right, or at least it made this morning a little easier.

Sometimes I guess it is ok to not be perfect. -I think to myself.

And that is when it hit me.

I’m not perfect and I never will be.

And that is okay.

Actually- I really don’t want to be one of those “perfect moms” (Do they really even exist?).

I am imperfect in so many ways.

But it is who I am and I know that God, my husband and children love me just the way I am.

Flaws and all.

I just need to give myself more grace. I will always be a work in progress.

I just need to find the balance between perfection and grace, one day at a time.

I am perfectly imperfect and I love that.

I guess it is the beauty of being me.

There is no real beauty without some slight imperfection

-James Salter

We did make it to church.

A little late but we made it.

And, I didn’t walk in looking down in embarrassment for being late (again) this time.

I walked in with a smile on my face, with my head held high because I am happy to be me, flaws and all.

Imperfect as I am, I know that I am welcome there. Actually, I always have been no matter how late I show up or how much of a mess I am.

How is it that the random sock drawer taught me so much?

Letting go of perfection.

Giving grace.

Picking up pieces and moving forward towards God. The way I am. Perfectly Imperfect. And loved for it.

Does that sound familiar?

Isn’t that what being a Christian is about?

We are not perfect. But God loves us anyway. He forgives and gives grace.

He loves us no matter what. No matter how imperfect we are.

Christians are not perfect, just forgiven.

And church isn’t a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners.

Have you ever thought about it that way?

Isn’t it funny or ironic (or whatever you want to call it) that my random sock drawer triggered all of these thoughts for me?

Or, is it not ironic or a coincidence- but God talking to me in my perfectly imperfect world?

Bye Bye Butterfly

2018 only has a few hours left.

I will end this year and begin the next at my favorite place in the whole world, our farm with my family. There is no where else I would rather be.

I am so blessed and so very thankful.

Looking back at 2018 I am amazed at how unpredictable life can be.

This time last year not even in my wildest dreams would I believe that I would be here writing a blog, sharing my life and random thoughts with the world. And never would I have ever expected the major events and changes the next year would bring.

It has been a very challenging year.

A challenging year but definitely not a bad year. My God has been faithful and as always he has made all things work together for good.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I have been struggling the last few years with some health issues. Well, 2018 brought to light what was going on and lead me to the answers that we had been searching for. With that came solutions that although not ideal, had to be done.

First, I had to have a total hysterectomy in February. I recovered well but the terrible overwhelming fatigue that I had would not go away. I was referred to an endocrinologist that after many tests discovered some blood test results that were uncommonly elevated. We decided to wait, retest in a month or so to see if they were still elevated. They were and the endocrinologist ordered an MRI.

While waiting to have my MRI we received very exciting but life changing news. My husband would be taking on a new role at work and we would be moving to Denver, Colorado for a few years. We would keep our farm and split our time between here (as much as possible) and Colorado. Two days before we headed west I received my MRI results. It showed the reason my blood test results were elevated. I have a benign tumor on my pituitary gland (a small gland at the base of the brain).

We moved across the country and I found a wonderful doctor that explained to me that the tumor and elevated blood levels could be treated with medication. What a relief that was! We are still working on finding the right dose, monitoring my blood levels and I have a follow up MRI soon.

I got established with a new primary care physician in Denver also and during my first visit we were reviewing my history and I mentioned that I have had a few small nodules on my thyroid (a butterfly shaped glad in the front of the throat). My past doctor had me have a biopsy but it came back fine. My new Pcp asked me to have a thyroid ultrasound just to monitor them and it was scheduled the next week. When the results came back the nodules had grown. Specifically one and it was very vascular which the doctor found very concerning.

I was referred to a thyroid surgeon and sure enough, bye bye butterfly, I had a total thyroidectomy November 1st. Praise God the pathology report showed no cancer!

I am healing well and am also working with the doctors to find the right dosage of Synthriod, a thyroid hormone replacement medication that I will have to take the rest of my life.

I am so happy and thankful to say that now that all of that is over, I feel better than I have in years! My energy is back an I can’t wait to see what 2019 will be!

2018 was full of hills and valleys. Highs and lows. New adventures and many changes. If it wasn’t for my amazing God, my wonderful loving husband and my family I don’t know how I would have made it through this crazy year but I did and I am grateful.

If my 2018 had a theme song it would be “Hills and Valleys” by Tauren Wells. I have added the lyrics below. If you haven’t heard it I highly recommend it.

How was your 2018? If it had a theme song, what would it be?

As we head into the new year I look forward to being able (and feeling well enough to) work more on my blog. Until then- Happy New Year! May God Bless you with health and happiness in the coming year.

Hills and Valleys- Tauren Wells 

I walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I felt the pain of heartbreak
And I’ve seen the brighter days
And I’ve had rest heaven from my tallest place
And I have held the blessings
God you give and take away
No matter what I have, your grace is enough
No matter where I am, i’m standing in your love
On the mountains, I will bow my life
to the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
and I am not alone!
I’ve watched my dreams get broken
In you I hope again!
No matter what I know
I’m safe beside your hill!
On the mountains, I will bow my life
to the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
and I am not alone!
Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
And with all you will remain
All for it all!
Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
And with all you will remain
All for it all!
(On the mountains, I will bow my life, yeah)
(In the valley, I will lift my eyes, yeah!)
On the mountains, I will bow my life
to the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
and I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
and I am not alone!
And I will choose to say, blessed be your name
And I am not alone

Home

Home.

Is there any better word?

But, Home is so much more than just a word. Isn’t it?

It is a feeling, a sense of belonging.

Actually it is hard to use other words to properly explain or express what it is.

If you have read my past few blogs you will know that in the past year my family moved across the country for my husband’s work. We left our farm, our home, something that we never thought we would do. It is only a temporary move. We are very fortunate and are able to keep our farm while we are away and we plan on moving back home permanently as soon as possible.

Today we are traveling home to our farm and it has me thinking about everything that home is to me and trying to put my feelings into words.

As much as I feel that I can’t adequately put it into words, I’m gonna give it a shot.

Home is…

Where your family is

Where your heart is at peace and where your soul finds rest

A place where you are free to be you, the unedited you

But it is more than a place-

It is a feeling-the feeling of relief when you get there after a long absence

The longing and feeling that something is missing when you are away.

It feels like the sunshine on your face on warm summer day

The feeling of your bare feet in the grass on the cool ground for the first time in the spring (and every time after)

It just feels right.

It is part of you

You are part of it.

It is exactly what you need.

It is exactly what I need.

A House is Made of Bricks and Beams. A Home is Made of Hopes and Dreams.

We did it! I never thought we would, but we did.

We moved.

Not just around the corner or a couple of hours away, but across the country!

And even more surprising is that we moved from our beloved farm in the country to the heart of suburbia.

Talk about a major change!

As you may have read in one of my previous posts, my husband was moved to his company’s corporate office in Denver. So we now live in the suburbs of Denver.

Yes-the suburbs.

In a housing development!

This farm wife is totally out of her element!

We now have neighbors, like really close neighbors.When I walk out on our deck I am startled by the friendly neighbors saying hello.

Everyone seems to be very nice and welcoming. It is a very nice area. But it is so different from home.

It is definitely gonna take some getting used to.

Everything is different. The house that we now live in is very different, the neighborhood we now live in is very different, the climate is definitely very different (it is so dry!) and our new life here is also very different.

It is ALL different.

However, we remain the same.We are the same people with the same hopes and dreams as we have always had.

We are following the path that has been put before us and although it is different and we don’t understand what God has in store for us, we will remain faithful and follow His will.

We have not and will not change who we are. We will remain the same family that loves our Lord, our family and our friends. We will do our best to remember where we came from and where we are going.

Things may be different and our address may have changed but when we are together we are always home.

As we get settled in to our new normal, I can’t help but wonder why the Lord has lead us here.

I wonder what He has planned for us.

I wonder how long we will be here before we can go home …

I don’t know the answers but I will trust in Him.

What I do know is that we will be faithful and thankful for all He has done for us.

We have been given an opportunity to live in a different area and meet new people and have new adventures.

We will now be able to spend more time together as my husband will not be traveling as much.

We will be grateful for what we have.

Another thing that I do know is that just because my address has changed doesn’t mean I have.

I will always be the Perfectly Imperfect Farm Wife no matter where I am-

even in the suburbs 🙂